TRIGGER WARNIG : A Real Raw Personal Accounting
"There is no greater agony that bearing an untold story inside you.” - Maya Angelou
I get asked why I keep this article up long after it served it's original purpose, which was to set me free from ties with two interwoven global womb organizations. (Words can spellbind or be employed to cut free with a sword-like alchemy! 'Words' is an anagram of 'Sword')
> I keep this harrowing account up for two reasons :
1) A practitioner can only hold space for another's healing journey to the depth they themselves have travelled and claimed a wiser and expanded Self. Had I not, I would never have been capable of publishing this article nor would I have withstood the hell-storm it unleashed, so it stands as a testament to what I've emmerged from and thus the authentic depth I am now capable of holding for another.
"The difficulties in our lives serve to season us like a sword, in time making the metal strong, efficient, gentle, and swift to the mark"
2) That it may stand as warning with regards the levels of distortion and deception that, to date, still persist abundantly within the Awakening Movement - including Feminine Awakening!
"When you have something to say, silence is a lie.” - Jordan B. Peterson
- Introduction : Why it’s Time to Speak the Truth
- Background : Former Marriage to Azra Bertrand + The Childhood Abuse
- Invisible Trappings : Spell Casting & Manipulation
- Damage Delivered : Australian ‘End-of-the-World’ Ashram
- Fountain Of Life : Azra + Seren Bertrand’s Deception
- Unveiling The Female Predator
- Summary : The Inherent Danger Of Womb Work
“There are a thousand things which prevent [us] from awakening, which keep [us] in the power of [our] dreams. In order to act consciously with the intention of awakening, it is necessary to know the nature of the forces which keep [us] in a state of sleep. First of all it must be realized that the sleep in which [we] exist is not normal but hypnotic sleep. We are hypnotized and this hypnotic state is being continually maintained and strengthened in [us]. One would think that there are forces for whom it is useful and profitable to keep [us] in a hypnotic state and prevent [us] from seeing the truth and understanding [our] position.”
– G. I. Gurdjieff
INTRODUCTION : WHY IT'S TIME TO SPEAK MY TRUTH
“The state of the world still idolizes bullsh*t!” - Maya Seven Sun, Blue Star Temple Arts, June 2018
The Mystical Womb is the realm of Love and Truth.
“Truth is Love as thought.” - Justin Moikeha Asar
It is known to the initiated, that energetically, the Womb-Heart opens to what the Buddhists call “The Void”. Any who ever dare to venture into the Void always find it to be a place of irrefutable Truth.
The Womb called me to her ways about 18 years ago and I’ve learnt that the Womb-Heart inevitably and reliably brings me face-to-face with un-truth, lies, and deception - of Self or others.
In other words it eventually brings me face-to-face with my shadow.
That two influential organisations - Womb Wisdom & Womb Awakening - both with considerable global reach, can assume such a position of authority at the pulpit of ‘The Womb’, while they each in their own ways, lack Truth & Integrity as their foundation, is the hypocrisy I wish to shed light upon in this article.
I’m in a unique position to illuminate vital aspects of this due to personal experiences associated with events that transpired 7 years ago.
Events indicating that hyper-dimensional, occult (simply meaning ‘hidden’) forces appear to be animating both of these organisations, from behind their respective veils of illusion.
Events that additionally reveal exactly how Womb Awakening / Fountain of Life received its inception very intimately from the founder of Womb Wisdom, Padma Aon Prakasha.
- “To know that there are people on this planet, who are not truthful & in integrity actively engaging traumatised women & men into such harmful work, in the name of healing, is sad & infuriating. After reading Barbara’s testimony I saw so many parallels between Padma’s circles & Fountain of Life’s . . . I believe that whatever insidious & malignant energies that proliferate the one, does so with the other as well.”
- a former Womb Awakening / Fountain of Life trainee
I had enormous sexual shame and huge abandonment wounds in my shadow so this is how, for a time, they also plugged-in and worked me into becoming a source of food for them.
This is the part I’ve had to find responsibility for and in doing so, the hard-won Truth also finally revealed.
My plain and honest account of events is an invitation for you to arrive at your own sovereign conclusions.
Know that these events were witnessed by many with whom I have now circled back around into mutual solidarity, friendship and support. Know that all who played a role in this unfolding, also endured their own personal horrors, too.
I’ve remained silent for 7 years primarily out of fear and to protect the extreme vulnerability of incredulous things that transpired.
Who would’ve believed me, when I barely believed it myself?
It has taken me 7 years to heal from and clear this trauma, for all the previously hidden pieces to finally reveal and for my knowledge of the occult to grow.
I finally also know who my real allies are and most importantly of all - I’m fully on-board with me!
I know what I experienced and I now know what I know because of what I experienced!
“It is time to speak your Truth.” - Hopi Elders, May 2018
(Note: An initial draft of these accounts was first published in a private and then later in a public Facebook group entitled “Testimonies of abuse from Padma Aon Prakasha”. Some of the testimonies housed therein were also provided to Be Scofield to be included with permission, into an article published in May 2018, entitled “The New Predator: Spiritual Teacher Padma Aon Prakasha Accused of Abuse”. )
© Zolotareva Elina
Azra Bertrand, Fountain Of Life / Womb Awakening co-founder, was my husband for 10 years (2002 - 2012) and Padma Prakasha was a mentor we both worked with closely over a 3 year period ( 2008 - 2011).
I was initially completely blind to the wounds that led me to and that kept me engaged with Padma as a teacher, even though internal warning bells rang on many occasions.
You see, I had bomb sitting in my body that I had been completely unaware of.
Interaction with an abusive character structure, activates latent abuse harboured in the body.
It was in the final year during which I moved within Padma’s sphere of influence, that the memory of childhood sexual abuse at the age of about 4.5yrs old, by my biological father began emerging.
To be absolutely clear, these memories arose gradually and organically.
To Padma’s credit, never once was it implied by him or anyone else, that I ought to be looking for or digging around for any latent trauma.
It later, took many more years before I was able to patiently achieve the full recall of repeated violent rapes I had endured as a child.
In the greatest miracle of all, after another year, I was able to achieve full release and forgiveness with my father. The karmic cycle is now complete between us.
In light of this achievement, I’m grateful for the insane unfolding of events I detail for your awareness here, because they served to wake me up to so much.
The primary events I share here, describe how Padma took advantage of the extreme vulnerability inherent in the delicate process of recalling abuse; how he heartlessly worked it into serving his own selfish sexual agendas, adding severe layers of additional trauma that I was victim to, at his orchestrations.
I said it.
I was his victim.
He habitually shames those who he has victimised, and who dare to speak up, for maintaining what he terms a “victim mentality”. I’d seen it in-action a hundred times, before finally falling prey to it myself.
The difference between the physical reality of a ‘victim’ and ‘victim mentality’ is notable!
It’s very clever, because this sort of shaming is what keeps victims silent and forever identified and trapped in victimhood. Until they wake up from it.
The first time I bore witness to this behaviour, I ought to have turned around and walked away.
I lacked the Self-Love to do so.
Thank-you in advance, for witnessing this shameless account of events.
Before we proceed however, it is important that you understand that it is not my intent to weave yet another thread into the tapestry that has turned into a bit of a witch-hunt of a ‘bad’ man.
Paradoxically though, yes he is a deeply misguided, lost & pained man, but as you shall see, my experiences allow me to illuminate equally valid aspects regarding the inner workings of the Female Predator, too.
Researcher Mark Passio has revealed that what he terms ‘The Unholy Feminine’ provides the silent invisible underpinnings for what has been widely termed ‘The Patriarchy’. In other words, without the unholy feminine, there is no patriarchy and without the patriarchy there’s no unholy feminine. As a stated former satanic priest, Passio certifies that the hidden agenda, both on-world and off-world, has been to manipulate and play the masculine & feminine against each other for millennia around here. Collectively divided, we’re easier to conquer.
Please keep this in your awareness, as you read, because my experiences and those of others I quote, indicate that the same hyper-dimensional, occult forces that have been permitted to animate the masculine into horrendous acts of unjust violence, also animate the unholy feminine into equally insidious acts of deception that cause just as much devastation and harm.
What I desire to illuminate more than anything here, by way of my personal experiences, is that it’s never been about ‘male vs female’. Rather it’s about the forces influencing them both via our unseen shadows, acting from across the veil of ordinary perception. Shadows that morph fluidly between the personal subconscious and the collective unconscious.
- “From these experiences … I understand there is true evil in this world, and by this I am not referring to our own darkness that we face in order to become whole. I am talking about an external evil that wants to corrupt and feed off of us. It wants us to disconnect from ourselves and plug into an external source whether you call it angels/aliens/guides... whatever. This is where we become corrupted. When we stand in Truth and Know Ourselves it cannot touch us.”
- former Fountain Of Life member & Womb Awakening participant
© Tomasz Alen Kopera
It was early 2011 when Azra, formerly known as ‘Win Bertrand’, and I completed Padma’s first ever round of teacher training for Womb Wisdom.
We soon began facilitating this work together in California & New Mexico, USA.
We were in Padma’s inner circle and sacrificed a lot for this presumably ‘prestigious’ position.
A few months in, we were required to attend a Womb Wisdom retreat in France.
This event turned out to have little to do with that work.
Padma spent most of our time generating a foreboding sense of gloom and doom around the imminently famous ‘end of the Mayan Calendar on Dec 21, 2012’. It was a week in which everyone of the 30 or so men and women present, were subjected to repetitive fear-mongering & brain-washing about the supposed impending “end of the world”, complete with detailed super volcano scenarios.
At one stage, as his teachers, we were required to provide powerful energy transmissions to everyone. These felt very different from anything I’d experienced before. I recall perceiving all these creepy slimy black salamanders with my inner vision. In hindsight, I believe that we were, being exposed to manipulative, negative energies in an attempt to influence the group.
The retreat culminated with him demanding people to commit - right then and there - to moving to Australia to live of-the-grid in a “spiritual community”.
He demanded that those who opted into this exclusively 'wise' group, needed to commit to how much money they could provide for the venture.
He stood at the big white board in front of the room, emotionally blackmailing us, while he recorded everyone’s financial commitment for all to bear witness to.
In hindsight, I believe he was ‘testing the waters’ to see if his plan had enough energy (ie: money) to actually fly!
Turns out it did.
Those who’d opted in, returned to their respective countries to sell-up and close-out former lives, homes, businesses & prepared to say goodbye to friends and family, in preparation to learn how to be permaculture farmers in Australia!
He demanded we all do the research to figure it all out.
None of us had any clue about permaculture what-so-ever!
What was this mad spell?
Regrettably, I had only a subtle awareness of it.
Personally, I simultaneously felt that I was answering a deeper calling back down-under, which as New Zealand born, gave me some vague sense of comfort.
There were red flags Win / Azra and I were both beginning to perceive and discussing with more and more frequency as the departure date to Australia drew closer.
Each time we dismissed these warning signs with presumptions that we’d already gone too far to be turning back. We’d already sold most of our earthly possessions.
During this time, I fired my first shot over the bow. I made my first attempt at expressing knowledge of what had transpired during my childhood, with my father on the phone.
Since I had been met with denial, we decided to travel to Germany and visit him on our way to Australia.
Ha! The world was supposedly about to ‘end’, so what was there to loose?
I bravely confronted my father and spoke my piece with him regarding my initial awareness of his abuses.
I was not expecting anything.
I’d done sufficient inner work, so there was little charge or anger - at least during this first turn of the spiral.
I managed a simple pure calm expression of my terrifying Truth.
He floored me with an unexpected confession.
I was reeling.
The entire subconscious axis around which I’d survived & oriented my life, had to find a way to shift, now.
DAMAGE DELIVERED : AUSTRALIAN ‘END OF THE WORLD’ ASHRAM
There we were homeless and flying - Frankfurt to Brisbane - into the unknown, literally and figuratively, to shack-up with a suspected mad-man at the helm on the other side of the world.
When we arrived at the luxurious 11 bedroom community house with pool, spa and ocean views of Byron Bay, that we were all required to put up rather large sums of money to rent, the atmosphere was one of extreme tension and fear.
As far as I’m aware, Padma did not contribute a dime to the rent.
Entitled, because his “job” was communing with what he called “god” so he could be our “spiritual leader”.
We did all the cooking, cleaning, bulk grocery orders and were at his incessant beck and call with every aggressive demand - of which there were many.
Within half an hour of our arrival from the airport, Padma inquired eagerly to know how it went for me with my father in Germany.
I told him through considerable choked up emotion.
He said nothing.
Nothing at all, and simply turned around and walked away.
The schedule was of a harsh, unforgiving, punishing old testament flavour.
I yearned to give my body rest so I could integrate what had transpired in Germany.
I had to sneak naps here and there, in secret.
Win / Azra and I were called out of sleep to a meeting at 3am one morning shortly after we’d arrived.
We were astonished to find the whole community present at that ungodly hour.
Padma forged the way with putting our marriage on trial. We were interrogated about the sexual intimacies of our relationship.
Eventually, it revealed that we had not been sexually active very much.
I lacked the presence of mind and courage of heart to stand up and protect my tender inner child by pointing out that I’d been SUCCESSFULLY dealing with the monumental, terrifying, crazy-making task of recalling sexual abuse from a primary care-giver . . . so like :
“What do you expect, you insensitive completely ignorant idiot?”
(I’m certain that if I’d expressed such, it would not have gone well. I would probably have been kicked out, as this turned out to be the nature of this / his community.)
It hadn’t occurred to me to share what a respectful, honourable task Win / Azra had done in support of my awful journey, over the past year. He’d been exquisitely respectful, sensitive and tender to my body’s needs for safety during our sexual interactions.
But no, there we both sat in a befuddled sleepy - still jet-lagged daze.
I took-on the shaming that I was not 'providing' what someone else outside of our marriage was declaring to be sexually inadequate. I was made out to be a failure at 'servicing' my husband’s sexual 'needs'.
My confused husband had nothing to say - it’s possible that this was the beginning of what later became a barrage of sexual manipulation of him.
In light of what I’d accomplished over the past year, it was utterly devastating & humiliating, but I wasn’t yet capable of fathoming the full degree its impact. In my stupefied state, I just let it all happen.
It also came as an extremely cruel put-down & insensitive shock to hear one of the women in the community voice that she would be having sex with Azra all the time, if she were with him.
She eventually took the opportunity to do precisely that and ended up marrying him.
Naturally, I developed an unconscious chill towards this woman after this.
It took me many more years to realise the full extent to which she was also a predator.
Seeds for the horrors that were yet to transpire were being planted.
It has become exceedingly clear to me - in hindsight - that a pre-meditated plan was being deliberately set into motion.
Early on, everyone in the community was required to throw whatever cash they had on them into a huge collective bowl on the dining room table. Everyone was manipulated to do this out of sheer fear.
Azra and I each came into the country with the legally permissible amount - AUD$10K cash each. So $20K went into the pot on our account.
Notably, Padma added no cash to the bowl.
In some bizarre & sudden frenzy of fake-freedom and fake-joy we all ended up throwing copious amounts of cash around the room and up into the air.
The adrenaline was palpable.
My wounding had led me to abdicate all financial power in our marriage, so I cannot provide an accurate measure of how much additional financing we provided. I know it was considerable and was later to become a source of great distress to Azra after he was also kicked out, at which point everything we’d + he’d invested later on his own, became irretrievable.
I recall Padma casually musing out-loud, with an air of secret confidence, asking for my private opinion about wether he should encourage one of the single women in the group to have sex with one of the other men.
I was shocked and said nothing, because this man was happily married and here with his wife.
Thankfully this woman was amongst the first to be kicked out, so it never happened.
But perhaps I was merely being intentionally subliminally prepared for the fate that was about to befall me?
That moment frightened me, because it became clear that we were just his playthings; a source of amusement to him. We were all under some kind of dark spell; brainwashed into giving him our power which he used to manipulate us. He also used it to cause mis-trust amongst the community members and so to divide us.
“The techniques of brainwashing are simple: isolate the victim, expose them to consistent messages, mix with sleep deprivation, add some form of abuse, get the person to doubt what they know and feel, keep them on their toes, wear them down, and stir well.”
- Paul T. Mason, Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder
I couldn’t get into it.
It felt bad - something was really wrong.
I kept opening my eyes to see that everyone else was totally passed-out & gone, gone, gone from their bodies.
I kept wanting to get up and leave, but something kept me pinned to that awful bean bag.
I thought it was never going to end.
It was extremely uncomfortable.
In hindsight, I believe the energetic field was being deliberately set / manipulated for what was about to take place.
Everyone was at dinner that night, except Amanda / Seren who had been Padma’s lover for some time before this Australian Adventure. Padma had, in the days prior to this particular evening, sexually spurned her in favour of a local woman who’d just joined the community. So quite naturally Seren was planning to leave the community - possibly that very next morning.
All she could do after that weird ceremony was rest in what I perceived to be an unusual comatose state. It was as though she'd been "spiritually drugged”.
Something didn't feel right.
Padma always demanded everyone's presence at dinner, no matter how sh*t they felt.
This night he made an exception for her, for reasons that only later became clear.
Then it began around the dinner table. The all-out brutal assault on our marriage.
It felt like endless rounds of inhumane interrogation & humiliation.
Everyone was invited / coerced to actively concur on the state of our ‘miserable marriage’ - that yes, we had already begun on a gentle organic self-directed path of re-evaluating on our own - delicate matters of heart and soul that are no-body else’s business.
I was shamed for my short-comings as a woman and as a wife.
Never once was Azra’s character, relational patterns, dysfunctions or short-comings called into question. (Of which there were plenty - of course (!) - relationship is always a two-way street! Always.)
He was somehow the ‘golden-boy’ in it all.
It was a f**king witch hunt!
In total violation of our sovereign freewill, and the natural process that a Human Heart must pass through, we were forced to agree to end our marriage - ON THE SPOT.
I stood up to Padma this time.
It was like standing alone in a Hurricane of immense supernatural force and destruction.
He unleashed a torrent of twisted fury upon me - constantly comparing me to his ex-wife - shouting awful volumes of hatred at me :
“You sound just like Anaiya!”
“That’s just like something Anaiya would say!”
(It wasn’t until many, many tortured months later that I was able to appreciate that he’d actually taken out the pain and humiliation of his ex-wife leaving him, on me. For he had actively led us all to believe that *he* was the one who had chosen to divorce *her*.
In good time, I discovered the truth that she left him on account of physical abuse and holding her hostage to it. Upon discovering this, the truthful extent of his monstrously-pained, inflated sexual-pyscho-spiritual ego became exceedingly evident to me.)
There was also a vicious attack that came with more of a personal vengeance, too - possibly because I was one who never succumbed to any of his sexual advances.
[• The first time I ever met him, in the San Fransisco Bay Area in 2004, he attempted to lure me into his seductive clasp with implied promise of being able to provide women the most ‘spiritual’ orgasms! It took a bit of internal wrangling, but I eventually saw right through that one.
• Shortly after Anaiya left him, he began showing up through the ethers / in my mind - probing and inquiring as to my sexual availability to him. I’d finally had enough of this and I declared very clearly and adamantly (also through the ethers / mind) that : “Over my dead body. I never ever EVER wish to have anything to do with you sexually!!!!”]
So on this awful night, he declared with venomous disgust, that he could never imagine being with me sexually. Apparently the thought of it appalled him.
He was throwing my own words I’d only ever uttered internally, right back at me.
Really? I am an attractive, beautiful woman.
He often referred to me as “Azra’s lovely wife”.
I know his weaknesses.
I had been friends with many of his lovers over the years and had seen the reliably repetitive pattern of hell that they all went through on his account.
He gave himself away with those words!
Was the sexual humiliation I had been subjected to ever since we arrived in Australia, being driven by this?
I will never know.
I don’t need to know.
All I know is how appalling this childish behaviour was.
Azra retreated to one of the bedrooms.
He was screaming.
He could’ve taken that beautiful house down with those cries.
It pierced me to the core.
Two of the women followed him to support and be present with him.
I was beyond shock.
I can only recall being left alone, as at first no-one came to be with me.
They were all too scared to.
Padma conveniently disappeared upstairs.
I felt betrayed by these people I’d trusted.
I may even have momentarily blacked-out, as I recall struggling to remain conscious.
I do know I went to the edge of my sanity.
I knew it in E-V-E-R-Y fibre of my being that something was horribly wrong - that there were were sinister motives at work.
I felt to be surrounded by such malice and a subversive intent to harm.
I was almost willing to break my own mind to try and figure it out - what this thing was; this ulterior motive that I could almost reach out and touch, it was THAT palpable.
I believe I almost suffered a psychic break.
I recall the unforgettable kindness of one of the men finally coming to be present with me, at some stage.
At another point, I recall standing in the kitchen pretending that I was coping.
One of the women who’d just re-emerged from supporting Azra (one of the two possible new sexual partners that he was being openly primed over the past week, to begin connecting with.
Every night at dinner, I’d had to endure the torture of this humiliating inhumane talk that he *obviously* needed a new woman who could give him what I was purportedly not capable of.
Anyway, this woman placed the palm of her hand at the back of my heart. I think my feet must’ve given way from beneath me and I must’ve fallen to the floor, because I don’t know what happened between the sensation of that insincere hand on the body of my shattered heart and opening my eyes to find myself on the floor in a puddle of tears - many, many piercing screams later - to see Padma’s bare feet on the floor right in front of my nose.
I felt two bodies either side of me, helping me to get up to go and sit.
And sit - while Padma went outside to smoke a cigarette & consult with a handful of the others.
I recall being admonished by those who sat with me, for attempting to stand up to him.
(I would've lost a piece of my Soul, if I hadn't!)
This was my fault.
“I should’ve known better and just gone along with what was happening!”, is what I heard.
I was made out to be in the wrong.
When the others came back inside, I recall the distinct sense that Padma was very nervous. He was sh*tting himself - probably became he knew he might’ve almost pushed me too f**king far.
I was then calmly told in saccharine tones that I wasn’t handling these ‘high frequencies’ (!!!) of ‘truth’ (!!!) in this ‘comm-unity' (!!!) and that I was therefore being sent on a “holiday”.
It had been decided that I needed ‘a break’!
These destructive energies were proving to be relentless in their intent to break me and the marriage.
It was a lie, fed to me in order to be more palatable in light of what had just been done.
There was never any intent to let me come back into this twisted fold, that had strangely enough become my family. We’d left everything and everyone behind to be in this sick loveless pit.
I took the fake sugar of the insane moment, but in truth, I was being permanently banished.
I had to be out by 11am the next morning - but I was not informed of this until the next day after an impossibly tortured sleepless night.
I had no where to go.
I had one friend in the Byron area but I was not able to reach her nor stay with her because she was travelling.
I ended up alone in a youth hostel, in Byron Bay.
A foreign land.
At least everyone spoke a wonderfully colourful variety of english!
In kind Divine Ordinance, my biological sister, who knew nothing of what had just transpired, showed up in Australia from the UK a week later - to surf in Byron Bay with friends that happened to be visiting from NZ.
I’d been in too much shock to even reach out to her or anyone, anywhere in the world.
I’d temporarily lost all sight of Human Kindness or care.
I believe her cherished presence may well have saved my life.
Quite naturally, I was in Really bad shape.
Thank-fully I'd had the presence of heart to go and wake Azra at the crack of dawn before everyone got up for prayers that awful last morning. We were able to steal 15 quiet minutes together before our ways were to be artificially parted, in more insidious ways than we could possibly even begin to fathom at that time.
The red-hot cherry that topped all of this off?
It came like the searing twist of a serrated knife into my raw heart, to see that Seren had chosen to drape her fully naked form in a fine and lovely see-through magenta dress, that morning I was kicked out.
Months later in an email, I expressed my pain around her cruel choice of at least not waiting until I was gone. The response informed that the temptress had purportedly ‘dressed for travel’ and celebration, that it was finally over with Padma, that day.
My repeated requests over the years, for a real conversation with her, has never been granted.
I endured severe gaslighting (lies & propaganda about me) for many months afterwards, and psychic attacks on me did not abate after I’d been kicked-out.
© Tomasz Alen Kopera
The reports that eventually emerged from everyone else’s experiences of hell, that continued to unfold, as each were kicked-out one after the other, until only two French couples remained, are as follows.
Padma had tried to manipulate both Seren and the new lover who replaced her, to take turns with him in a one-night-on-one-night-off, scenario.
Neither of them were into it.
After I was gone and Seren was lovers with Azra, Padma tried to win her back by attempting to break them up. The extremely manipulative scenarios that ensued were reportedly nightmarish for all involved.
Padma evidently still required something from Seren and this is also is why he didn’t want to let her leave the community, after she’d expressed her clear intent to depart the same morning I was kicked out.
He had a vested sexual interest in finding a way to entice Seren to stay.
That reason was my former husband.
For that to work Padma had to dispose of me.
I was ‘a problem’; a mere pawn on the chess-board of his personal sexual agendas.
Having been lovers, Padma understood the inner workings of Seren's pysche very well. He knew how important finding her ‘Soul Mate’ was to her.
Azra and I had already taken a few steps on our own, towards the possibility of a more definitive parting of ways.
Padma used this knowledge to force a violent agenda for his personal advantage.
He later expressed haughty justification that he had done me / us a ‘favour’!
My heart had been shattered due to a marriage that ended artificially, on his account at break-neck speed; shattered due to his manipulations that secured my replacement with just enough time to change the sheets.
He just didn’t get it!
This man is clearly not capable of basic Human Feeling - a known sign of a verified psychopath!
I was eventually very happy that the marriage ended, but there was nothing 'favourable’ at all about the manner in which this took place.
I emerged profoundly traumatized in new ways and considerably re-traumatized, due to the vulnerable phase of re-calling childhood abuse that I was still processing and integrating.
This was narcissistic abuse of absolutely appalling dimension.
I spent two months unable to function and dying to the past, before I dared to look out into the world again and figure out how to be in it - or whether I even wanted to.
Padma was totally salivating!
I’d often seen him derive a perverted pleasure from the suffering of others. It’s as though he requires it. Like an addict, he actively seeks to generate it to satisfy another desperate endorphin hit. Several of his ex-lovers have concurred on a 3 day cycle to this need for another hit.
- “I began to record and document our behaviour—to see whether there was a pattern. The pattern was every third day he would start off in a depression and by the afternoon flare up into a raging storm.”
- Anaiya Sophia, Padma’s ex-wife
- “Man has a glowing coat of awareness which the predator eats, leaving just the bare minimum of “consciousness stuff” for man to remain physically alive. The predator “milks” man through arranging for constant trouble and crisis and senseless preoccupation, so as to generate flashes of awareness that it then proceeds to eat.”
- Don Juan, in Carlos Castaneda’s “The Active Side of Infinity”, where “the topic of all topics“, is a cosmic predator that uses Humanity as food.
Seren & Azra ended up ‘falling in love’ and getting married at incredulous velocity.
A day or so after I was kicked out, Azra and I met at the bank to sort out the financials of our separation. I asked him at that time, which of the two women it was going to be.
He seemed sincerely befuddled and revealed that he really wasn’t into either of them.
“Not even Seren?” I probed.
“I’m just not attracted to her”, was his reply.
After 11 years with this man, I knew his response was sincere.
They became lovers two days later.
It was Bernhard Guenther who opened my eyes to the work of Eve Lorgen, MA, who has a Masters Degree in Counselling Psychology and specializes in Anomalous Trauma, which is defined as traumatic events that exist out of the normal range of human experience.
In her book "The Love Bite: Alien Interference in Human Love Relationships", Lorgen explores the phenomena of what she terms to be the “Love Bite”. This is described to be a situation wherein two people are programmed by handlers to engage in a love relationship where they essentially “fall in love” with each other via remote control.
She presents case-studies from her research that demonstrate how non-human entities orchestrate these relationships to set up drama and turmoil for their own agenda. Dramas which can range from the simple break-ups of platonic relationships to violent divorces; from “puppy love” sensations to sudden urges to marry a complete stranger.
- “Most often this manipulation model involves two individuals who live far away from one other, each being seeded with the image of the partner they are supposed to be with. A strong longing to meet the other person, telepathic connections, mystical experiences, having dreams of each other, and dynamic synchronicities – all orchestrated through the machinations of alien handlers – eventually bring those two people together. The sense of having met one’s soul mate or twin flame is very strong. It seems like magic, straight out of a fairy tale…the dream of having found the “one”.
Both feel like they have known each other for a long time, even to the point of assuming a past life connection. The sexual connection is also very strong, with “out of this world” sex and powerful lust, thereby creating an energetic bond and hormonal rush which imprints the idea that this is meant to be, that it is a ‘forever’ romance. It is all very “love at first sight”, and an obsession follows quickly on the heels of this desire. One (or both) partners may even leave their job, their spouse and family, and move away, just to be with the other person.”
- Bernhard Guenther : The Dark Side of Cupid, Hyper-dimensional Interferences in Love Relationships
“Another disturbing factor that emerged from my research was that these beings, whether demons, vampires, or aliens, seem to have the ability to control our thoughts to a certain extent, our physical bodies, the weather and even events in our lives.“
– Laura Knight-Jadczyk, The High Strangeness of Dimensions, Densities and the process of Alien Abduction
I feel that ‘The Love Bite’ is what happened to Win / Azra and Amanda / Seren, under Padma’s hypnotic influence and the occult / hidden forces at play.
His words were no longer his own in our email communications. After an intimate decade with him, I have a good grasp of his natural languaging, word choices and the kinds of energies he expresses. It was as though Seren, someone or something else (?) was writing the emails for him. I shudder to think what kind of emasculation would have to be at play for such a dynamic to be in effect.
It became evident to me, that his mind was no longer entirely his own. The nature of what he expressly projected at me, seemed much more likely to belong to a catty, incredibly insecure woman, not the astutely rational man I once knew him to be.
(It is of course possible that she domineered his email addresses and pretended to write as him, when it was infact coming directly from her.
What sort of woman does such a thing?
> A very insecure one!)
Source: Adobe Stock
There are a great number of people who have only had positive experiences with Azra, Seren and Fountain of Life. Their lives have been enriched and much empowered healing has been received on account of their offerings.
Others commonly report that it is only after they've left and are moving on with following their own impulses to begin something original, that their every attempt seems mysteriously and repeatedly thwarted in unusual ways. Upon deeper self-inquiry and excavation, they've been able to trace this odd experience of "supression" to their work with Fountain of Life.
There exists a smaller number, however, who have not had positive experiences during their direct engagement with this organization.
These are the ones who upon learning of my existence, the experiences with Padma and that there was even a connection between Azra, Seren and Padma, came and ardently sought me out.
They approached me very cautiously to divulge their deeply traumatized experiences from working with and/or for Fountain of Life. I was shocked to find that much of what was shared with me, echoed what I had been through with Padma - or worse in several instances.
Some may summize that all the trauma and pain I endured clouds my perception, rather than sharpening it.
Yes, this would've been the case in the past. It is no longer where I'm coming from and THIS is what has allowed me to finally speak up. Please understand that here's NO WAY I could possibly be standing in my vulnerability like this, if that wasn't the case.
The reason I shared the personal horrors due to Padma's orchestrations, is to indicate that surviving them and emmerging sane from them, renders me capable of spotting the stamp of supernatural interference and orchestrations at work in the accounts of these women.
After what I'd been through myself, when it comes to this kind of trauma - even one woman or man is one too many!
Given the distortions within the container Azra & Seren were manipulated to come together in, these levels of occult influence reported by the women, did not surprise me one bit and confirmed what I'd suspected all along.
Additionally, many others also contacted me, who have chosen not to share their stories (yet), which could indicate there might be many more yet that are not even known to our small and growing group.
I have never participated in the Fountain of Life work - for obvious reasons.
Privately, I have only ever attempted to illuminate their lies and deceptions in the personal affairs that remained to close out. I also tried pointing out all their obvious lies in their marketing materials, so I suppose that renders me a persistaent thorn in their side, doesn't it? All avenues of communication have been slammed shut - I presume, on this account.
In this chapter I have chosen to communicate on behalf of those who cannot or will not. If this is my folly, then let it be my folly. I can not remain silent with what I have heard and witnessed, from the women who approached me.
This is an offering, to be received if it serves, or discarded if not.
Know, that just because another's experiences differ from your own, this does not render them 'untruthful'. They are just different.
These women have given me permission to include some of their quotes on condition of anonymity for very valid reasons of psychic safety. Most have passed through a temporary phase of extreme terror, and understandably still remain cautious, desiring to put their traumatic experiences behind them.
Watching these women attempt to find their voices, even in this quiet, private way, has been unlike anything I've ever witnessed. I also came under intense occult attack for supporting them.
What follows is my summation of lengthy Skype calls and also their personal written, accounts.
I speak on their behalf, because I feel their voices are valid and important, at this time.
Get as offended as you like > this is their Truth.
- “They are very manipulative and narcissistic in their dealings in the group, and no one involved hopes to stand a chance in finding their sovereignty as long as they are part of this web of lies . . . I have seen that the very foundation of this work is based on lies, deceit and appropriation of many beliefs, cultures and practices.”
- Former Fountain of Life / Womb Awakening trainee & mentor
They do not acknowledge that a significant portion of what they claim to be ‘their work’ has been cut from the same cloth, as Padma’s Womb Wisdom.
This lack of open transparent disclosure is a serious problem and highly irresponsible, because Padma has not only opened himself to a host of dark magicians, but I believe he is one himself. These energies are woven on through and into the practices, no matter, how altered or 'improved' from his original version, they have been re-rendered to be.
I speak from experience, because like Azra & Seren, I also went on to teach and facilitate many of the same things, until I found that I was no longer in integrity to continue to do so. I have eliminated every single aspect of Padma's "womb teachings" from my own continued work with the Womb.
"I believed I could save Womb Wisdom. But I couldn't. Now, this book serves as a grave reminder that no matter what, I must and will not birth something out into the world that I suspect has faulty and contaminated foundations.
Because that faultiness will spread.
And this is why I am so strongly behind Barbara because Fountain of Life has to let go of everything Padma shared with them. Every atom, every molecule, every nuance - everything. There cannot be any trace left behind of what we received from him.
It is absolutely not enough to say they don't work with his practices anymore. It's not enough to say they have updated, changed, brought to the next level, transmuted etc. that's not enough. The root is contaminated.
The slate has to be wiped clean and start all over again with fresh and original new work. Sourcing from within them, not from anyone else.
For years, people have been saying this to me, to get rid of it all - but I shyed away believing I could clean it up. I was furious that I had been given contaminated teachings, I felt the world deserved true teachings, and I felt I was strong enough and able enough to transmute it all."
- Anaiya Sophia, Oct 18th 2018, co-author of Womb Wisdom with Padma
Seren only completed a portion of the second round a year later, until that was disrupted by the sudden move to Australia.
According to Azra & Seren’s former students, the practices they have evidently incorporated from Padma / Womb Wisdom at one point or another, are as follows:
- A distorted version of The 7 Sexual Gates, refurbished into the 8 Grail gates.
- Womb Mandala / Mapping
- “Oon Rahum” Aramaic mantric womb-breathing
- The 40 day “Laws of Ma’at” process
- Tibetan Womb Pulsing
- “Their work was hypnotic, they are masters of the flowery word, they cloak everything with a sugary sweet coating that on the surface there would be no reason to think anything other than wow! This is so beautiful and profound!”
- former Fountain of Life / Womb Awakening trainee
It turns out that Padma stole and distorted the ovary / testes circuits and the hara circuits from Suzanne Prabhuta’s Pulsing Heart Tantra Body Work, when he attended several of her workshops in the UK during the early 2000s. She had, at that time, just returned from living in India for 12 years, where she’d been teaching Tibetan Pulsing in Osho's Ashram.
“I came to realise Padma was doing everything he could to take the work only not in the right way. Steal the work. Even though he had come to my workshops, it become clear he was trying to subjugate and dominate me and others in any way he could.
I then withdrew from any contact with him.
What followed was Padma creating the womb wisdom work, part of which he included the Tibetan pulsing. He is not a trained practitioner in the Pulsing work and over the years I have met people who tell me horror stories of how he is doing the pulsing. Please know this is not pulsing.
I need to tell all the teachers he trained to change the name from pulsing. He has no understanding of the 'pulse' or the work. This is a distortion of what is a powerful transformative energy work.
Working with the 'pulse' means just that, feeling and pulsing from the heart which is aligning you with the universal energy.
It is not supposed to be painful or brutal. The more you relax, the more you get in touch with yourself on a very deep level and what is held in the cells. It is not a BRUTAL process. In all my years of pulsing (since 1980s) no one was ever damaged or had cracked ribs. “
“Now we see almost a viral situation where the predator is a lover, a mentor, a tormentor unlike anything before. You at this point are witnessing the predator absorbing and consuming your essence while quietly also a theft of not only ones gifts, abilities and creativity are taken but also and most importantly one's actual soul essence consuming one's consciousness, and leaving the victim without its own essence. Supernaturally by virtue of doing that they can tap into everything that you are connected to and not only invade but steal it. They can tap into your past, your past lives, your consciousness and retrieve pearls of truth from the great sea of the multiverse that the Original is from.
The victim would not necessarily know what was happening due to the drugging and the hyper chemicals constantly being released in the cycle of abuse and addiction. The victim would not know that the brilliance of the new predator is actually originated from them and their own creative pools. The predators multifaceted skills within the healing, psychic and supernatural realms taken literally from the hosting victim.
The victim would initially be shown a perfect mirror of themselves however the projection would be so good that they would never know they were experiencing their own projection. This is how the new predator begins to entice his/her prey. In seeing everything that one's heart desires in beautify and what looks like love the euphoria would begin. Amazed and already cast within a spell the dance would begin.
One would be drawn magnetically to the predator feeling such a strong spiritual connection to him/her and everything. This is part of the lure to seduce the Spirit and lull it asleep affecting the souls senses. It is just a projection of you to you, but you are not aware of it. So you actually fall for the belief that this person has the same path and same spiritual desire for truth, and ability to procure an essence out of the multiverse which is a very rare thing. It's very diabolical because before you know it you are deeply inside and imprisoned within a system that uses an infinity mirror system of projections of yourself, while your essence is getting removed systematically through a consuming process from the predacious osmosis taking place."
- Lauda Leon, The New Predator 2018, Sovereign KI
Stealing and mimicking practices from others, lends them to being passed along with only a superficial understanding and insufficient experiential embodiment. This leaves the practice dangerously available to infiltration by foreign agendas because the Original guardian to whom it was entrusted is absent, or worse, completely unaware that consent has been violated. I feel this danger is particularly prevalent when a practice is designed to open the fields of Body and/or Womb.
“Anyone who gets into mimicry, is indicating they don’t have much to show for themselves.”
- The Jezebel Spirit and How it Operates, by Shaking My Head Productions, May 2018
- “They cannot possibly be catalysts for healing if their container is based on stolen and appropriated work and so much abuse and misery … Fountain of Life is a container that is being used to harvest womb energy. I believe it is held by black magic.”
- a former Fountain Of Life / Womb Awakening trainee & mentor
Theses women's experiences indicate the likely influence of negative hyper-dimensional forces also operating through this organization's offerings.
“When I read Barbara’s testimony I knew without a doubt that my gut feelings about FoL [Fountain of Life] were right all along. They are using or being used by forces known or unknown to them to siphon women’s womb energy through the guise of the soft, sensual feminine. I know in my time with them, Seren never once alluded to her full involvement with Padma.”
- a former Fountain Of Life / Womb Awakening member who left of her own volition
- The apparent destruction of inner and outer Human Trust.
It is difficult for me to fathom and I was shocked to hear that women are emerging with emphatic declarations that they never intend to engage in “Womb Work” ever again.
Others report being unable connect with their Wombs in a wholesome manner for as long as 2 years after their experiences.
I died significantly to my former identity as a ‘womb facilitator’ after the fall-out with Padma, but never did what I endured at his orchestration ever cause me to loose or abandon the most treasured inner relationship to my Womb-Heart.
It’s how I survived and recovered.
- Irreparably broken long-standing intimate love relationships.
“Barbara, if you are going to rewrite your testimonial, I feel the need to share with you my own story with Azra and Seren and my fall-out from FOL [Fountain Of Life], there are some things that were done to you by Padma that Azra and Seren tried to recreate with me and my ex partner, in a brainwashed sacred union spiral.”
Couples within 'Fountain Of Life' are reportedly sometimes manipulated into so called ‘soul-mate’ relationships.
In one occurrence, I was told about, the woman was sexually shamed as a ‘failure’, and was blamed for all the inevitable difficulties and challenges that are naturally inherent in any relationship. While what they term the ‘Grail Knight’ was held up as shining edifice that can do no harm or wrong.
“The sacred union spirals always bothered me. I noticed so many couples suddenly finding their 'soul mates” and so many others becoming so dissatisfied with their partners they broke up their families. This is my observation.
. . . the cinderella story of sacred union . . . it seemed ungrounded somehow.”
- former ‘Sacred Union Spiral’ participant
“Their [Seren & Azra’s] perfect union, always felt pretentious . . . now I know why . . . their coming together was rooted in deception, mistrust & lies.“
- formerly active Fountain Of Life member
“The Sacred Union Spiral . . . now if there is one truly flawed, energy draining, false ‘programme’, it is this particular one. I know I bought into it because my own marriage was so far away from being ‘sacred’ in every sense … when I saw the fairytale, magical ideal of this suggestion – I fell deeply in love with it – the ideal & all the tinsel & trash that went with it.
I started to question Sacred Union in its outer expression & the way it was being marketed. I say ‘marketed’ because I started noticing how people within the FoL circle were taken in by it.”
- Students have reportedly been subjected to either subtle or overt implications that there could be latent sexual abuse in their past. They are often encouraged to keep looking and searching for such memories. Those for whom this is simply not true, the whole process has proved to be incredibly disturbing, disruptive and somewhat traumatising.
I’m still here in a body because I’ve become trauma-informed.
I can confidently say that implying or suggesting that someone harbours unconscious abuse is in itself abusive, because it is a violation of freewill. Freewill of the Body-Mind’s innate wisdom for such a delicate revelation to emerge in its own time - if there is indeed any unconscious abuse even present.
Every intelligent faculty I have access to, tells me this is an extremely dangerous practice. Granted, this is my opinion since I’m not a trauma professional, but from my own experiences I can offer that the distinct possibility that one may become mentally destabilised, if prematurely pressed or pushed into excavating the truth of what was endured at some point in the past.
I’ve had friends and clients choose suicide, because they couldn’t face the truth when sexual abuse did eventually organically emerge on its own.
In my humble opinion, collective recovery from the global epidemic of sexual trauma cannot be pushed or forced because those are the same energies that did the harm.
As far as I’m aware, neither Azra nor Seren have trained as trauma professionals since I last personally interacted with them. Requiring that everyone sign-off on responsibility, certainly suggests that they don’t know what they’re doing.
Several former students have come away speculating, that profit is being made from this identifiable practice within Fountain Of Life as it keeps people who are not yet able to fully trust their bodies, coming back to keep digging for something that is often eventually found not to be there.
- “Through all of this I felt that the need to make money took precedence over truly caring for people.”
- former Fountain Of Life / Womb Awakening workshop participant
“Neither did she [Seren] speak of her ritual abuse as a child. In my opinion when one has such deep levels of trauma, it is totally irresponsible to guide others without revealing the truth. It simply pushes the trauma into the shadows were it works actively behind the scenes to re-enact itself out.”
- former Womb Awakening trainee & mentor
- Members have sometimes been encouraged to cut ties with family and friends.
It was reportedly common that people were not paid for work done. Some have been made to be the laughing stock or are verbally attacked infant of the community when they ask to be paid, as was purportedly originally promised and agreed to.
“People think they’re a cult. It felt like a cult when I was in it and now that I’m out, I know for sure it is definitely a cult. It needs to be called what it is.”
- former Fountain Of Life Cult member
“My husband kept telling me, its a cult, he would keep saying it, I kept fighting him. (My husband is very often always right. ) He would ask me questions whose answers all pointed to the positive in terms of what a cult is, yet still I fought him.
Then he said to watch, it wont be long before they buy a piece of land for “like minded” people to live and do their practices in peace. True as god, it wasn't a week later when this was proposed in the group and land was being seriously looked for. I have no knowledge if this actually materialized.”
- Former Fountain Of Life / Womb Awakening Student
According to these women, damage is being done on the quiet.
What has reached my ears could just be the tip of the proverbial iceberg.
There are witnesses, that stand behind what I have deliberated deeply with and finally chosen to shed light upon.
I simply wish to provide an opportunity for the truth to begin being more deeply discerned. I'm asking for consideration to be made that things may not be entirely as presented on the surface.
As stated, I have permission from these women to share what I’ve chosen to expose and to include some of their quotes.
The additional commentary I’ve provided are my own opinions and insights based upon my experiential knowledge.
Any truly tangible and verifiable evidence that validates this assertion of harm, is for others to gather and present, if this is something they would choose.
I find myself in an exceedingly uncomfortable position as “the ex-wife” - to illuminate what Azra and Seren have intentionally chosen to hide.
The pressure for me to remain silent has been immense.
I discovered that I’m not the only one who experiences this.
It has been a ubiquitous experience in every single account I’ve heard so far, from amongst those who’ve left Fountain of Life.
“I believe that FoL (and actually I mean Azra and Seren) consciously use black magic to hold its container and there are ‘spells' in place that hold our tongues – I have seen this image with my very own eyes.”
- from one who woke up and had the courage to get out
“Speaking out, undoes the spell.” - Seren Bertrand in her autobiographical ebook, ’Sophia’s Return : Healing The Grail Wound’
". . . the gradual steps that are required to rebuild this body . . . upon the earth . . . which allows the female power to manifest again. This process starts in the female organs, the womb. The dark attack will start its commandeering of the female power in the actual "womb" to stop this from occurring in the physical plane.”
- Lisa Renee, Ascension Glossary (chapter about the *authentic* Cathar lineages)
I pray that Amanda will find a graceful path of resolution for the harm delivered to so many men and women that on some horrendous level she agreed to be a vector and vessel for dark occult agendas.
I pray that Win also be allowed to wake-up to whatever he has been seduced by and that he also be allowed to find graceful resolution for his part in the deliverance of great harm to many womwn and men.
It has been very sad for me to hear that many who love and value his friendship have confided, they no longer recognize who he has become.
“I also always felt that Azra was a puppet – I could never shake that feeling.”
- Former Fountain of Life trainee
“Many women feel they are being in their power when they are in the Dark Queen . . .
She competes. She controls. She cuts off heads when she doesn't get her way . . .
She may not appear cruel, divisive, or even dark. As a shadow she is not always easily seen. She may take appearances such as “Diva” and “Boss Lady”. She even wears "Goddess" and “Priestess” as her names.
She often holds the victim and temptress closely by the hand. She knows how to wield all the feminine wiles in the name of manipulation and control . . .
But the Dark Queen is casting her own shadow and living into it. She doesn’t see she is the one creating the darkness she blames others for.
She doesn’t see how she is magnetizing, reinforcing and perpetuating separation. She doesn’t see how she is in fact holding back, the very things she longs to have. . .
In this time we are being asked to lay her down. We are being called into the crucible to own and release all of the faces of the Feminine Shadow.
We cannot hold these distortions and create a world of peace. We cannot know ourselves as love as long as she is at the helm.
It is time to lay down her fortress . . .”
- Sydney Culver, June 2018 (Feminine & Masculine Empowerment Coach)
“Darkness is not evil, it is simply Queen to the King of Light and we are their children”
- Justin Moikeha Asar, Creator of the Liquid Crystals
Darkness is not evil.
Our darkness is like an abundant bank account that simply holds our treasures until we remember to go looking for them.
Darkness is our Source of Change.
Darkness is our Source of Originality. It opens new doors.
Shadow is not evil.
Shadow is our latent Creative Potential.
Shadow is simply what we’ve disowned in our Truest Self. At its purest, it is the Unknown.
Shadow lives in the aspects where we can’t Feel who we are … quite yet.
Shadow cannot be artificially generated because it only exists where Self-Awareness is lacking.
Evil is that which makes life go backwards.
Literally, write the letters backwards to break the spell and get to L-i-v-e!
Evil is a force that actively, intentionally, deliberately rails against Natural Life and Authentic Evolution. It is conscious in its intent.
Shadow is simply a darker shade of Light and is as natural as the setting sun.
It is indigenous to the Human experience in a Physical Body.
Evil on the other hand is an imposter. Un-natural and alien.
It comes from outside and it demands we place more credibility in what’s outside of us, than what’s inside of us.
Our shadows live inside of us and evil has intentionally tried to confuse itself with our shadow, least we ever chanced upon the Real Truth of its integrated Power.
“Evil can only express through us when we’re ignorant of our shadow.” - Lee Giddings, Tree Shaman
My experiences of the predator have led me to realise it is not an innate phenomenon to the Original Natural Human state.
In all the drama I’ve been privy to around Padma’s great number of sexual conquests, it has become clear that the male sexual predator plays a role in the supernaturally co-ordinated, ‘dark attack’ aimed at distorting, suppressing and poisoning women’s wombs that Lisa Renee describes, in the above quote.
These women’s wombs seem to become impregnated with harmful negative energetics, pre-disposing them to behaviours that are not in Her Nature.
When the predator expresses through the masculine it is often more overt, it’s obvious and eventually, once one wakes from the spell, it’s relatively easy to identify and to name.
Not so when this energy expresses through the feminine because it’s more covert, making it slippery and difficult to catch, as there’s often less or even little to point to.
I’ve personally suffered predatory attacks by some of these women, who were formerly lovers with Padma. These are not one-off out-bursts that flare up and get resolved in a transparent manner, rather, there is a longevity; a sustained pressure to this form of predation. Open communication about these dynamics has been avoided at every turn.
It has led me to wonder wether these women’s wombs have either been implanted with the predator program or wether a possible pre-disposition to the female predator may have become intensified and magnified due to their sexual engagement with the male predator?
These experiences with the outer female predator eventually led me to discover the inner predator - those aspects of my own consciousness that I’ve internalised from the world, that I habitually attack my True Self and Highest Nature with. I’ve found that these distorted inner actions had to be learnt or programmed; imprinted and received from interactions with my environment.
Humans are not born with fangs or claws.
We can only hunt once we’ve fashioned the tools to do so.
We are not born to hunt. We are born to Create, yet if we choose to make tools to destroy we are free to do so. The predator uses the existing natural shadows of it’s host and hunts from within them, but is not to be confused with the indigenous organic shadow. The predator is an alien force, a demonic entity, a negative spirit, an archon, hyper dimensional or supernatural phenomena. Call it what we will, the predator is a parasite that must first occupy and predate upon some portion of the male or female host’s being. Then the predator uses and manipulates its host to effect actions driven by its foreign agendas. Agendas that are often made out to seem glamorous to the host.
Additionally, it’s been deeply contemplated and discussed within the community of ‘Padma survivors’, that when / if these women’s wombs are allowed to create and manifest unchecked, they inadvertently continue to spawn agendas that are not aligned to True Human Nature.
To paraphrase the valuable insights of a Jungian Analyst who also successfully extracted herself from Padma’s influence :
< Those who have worked closely with him - wether as a teacher or lover - must devote considerable time getting truthful and real about what hides, out-of-reach, within their shadows.
BEFORE they teach other women and men, they have a responsibility to take a long deep look into the mirror. An unrelenting commitment for Truth is demanded for the levels of loving heartfelt devotion required for the long, slow process of untangling and detoxifying the psyche and of course the Womb.
If this is not done, the poison is passed-on, in even more subtle and manipulative ways. >
“You can’t plant new flowers in an untended garden, you can’t transmit new frequencies from a womb that hasn’t received healing and clearing first.”
- Sharon Bolt, Aug 2018 (The Empress and the Dragon Obsidian Yoni Egg work)
The reclamation of a real & simple JOY continues.
At one point, I also devoted an epic 77 consecutive nights to ritualistically visiting the shadow realms in each of their six natural degrees.
Many Christian groups have identified an invasive serpentine demonic / hyper-dimensional / alien phenomenon that expresses via the feminine form. They called her “The Jezebel Spirit”, as they've named this phenomenon after the evil queen Jezebel in the old testament. Purportedly, after her marriage to the passive king Ahab, she influenced him to turn from God and worship Ba’al, instead - the bull headed “god” / demon who demands blood sacrifice.
(Ref: Book of Kings I + II)
I’ve witnessed this demonic serpentine presence; seen it with my own inner eye more than once, in varied contexts and circumstances. I’ve seen it slither-in next to the body’s authentic indigenous kundalini energies - sometimes in group situations at festivals or at dance events.
I’ve learnt to recognise when it attempts to hijack my sexuality with foreign agendas. I know myself sufficiently to recognise that this is not an organic aspect of my sexual shadow. It is an invader; an imposter. That it attempts to hide and effect distorted agency from within my shadow, does not exempt me from responsibility for actions I submit to, on its account. It’s the man-eater that hungrily takes him in to feed off; that seeks to steal his power and his light, seeking ultimately to devour him.
This is where the analogy of The Black Widow Spider, who devours her mate, is apt. First she ensnares her mate in a dark sticky web of illusion, where she wears him down, weakens him with her poisons; her mind games, emotional manipulation, gaslighting and deception until he is so entranced, so addicted, so deluded and lost to himself that he’s incapable of leaving without outside assistance.
(Ref: ‘The Jezebel Spirit and How it Operates’ - by Shaking My Head Productions, May 28, 2018)
I believe there is barely a woman on earth who is not being affected by this phenomenon, because its everywhere. It’s all over the marketing around fashion, perfumes, cosmetics and luxury items that subliminally entrains women to aspire to embodying the mirage of her alluring manipulative artifice.
“Look, but don’t touch”
“Worship and adore me”
“Want me” (. . . but really you can’t have me!)
The word ‘Glamour’ comes from an old english word which has to do with black magic and casting ‘love’ spells. In the Liquid Crystals healing modality, we use the word ‘Glamour’ in reference to the lower emotional delusion of getting caught up in feeling the way someone else is feeling. This occurs because we believe someone else’s feelings are somehow ‘more valid’ than our own.
This brave and honest sharing reveals how the Jezebel / Female Predator typically does business :
"I allured women into my programs by using the right methods. I cast spells with my words and took other’s ideas, twisting them to sound like my own. I took codes from other’s work and used it for my own gain. I put on a facade because I wanted to receive approval, validation and acceptance from others. I was placed on a pedestal of fame and sexual empowerment and I was gaining power from the black magic I was teaching. I performed sex magic rituals to manifest more clients and greater publicity.
I wanted to be seen as a “Priestess” and knew how to inspire other women to do the same. I thought I was doing a good thing but I was actually manipulating and seducing women into a trap, teaching them how to use their own power through sex magic to move up in the materialistic matrix. I was still prostituting myself and using my sexual energy to serve the dark side and it was all glossed over with love, light and feminine liberation ...
... I pray that the women who are out of alignment and gaining [false] power from marketing the 'Rise of the Feminine', 'Sophia', 'Magdalene', 'Womb', 'Priestess codes', etc. can come clean with the ways they have put on a facade and hidden from their own unconscious ego and narcissistic agendas."
- Kelsea Shanai’a Rai, Confessions Of The Dark Priestess, 2018
In the Dimensions TV New Predator video interview by Mark Gray in Feb 2018, Lauda clarifies that mimickers are in fact canabalizing, consuming and eating consciousness, leaving the Originator with less of it, and in some cases entirely without it. Lauda describes how mimicry piggy-backs and takes over by osmosis - an attempted theft of another’s individuality that knowingly or not, actually thwarts the Essence of their Becoming. Its actions corrupt, pervert, convert, copy and then hijack to produce something that is counterfeit and diminished in spirit.
Are we ready yet, to cast all reliance on this sorcery, aside?
Are we ready yet, to reach deep inside to locate our own magic that’s indigenous to each of our own unique Soul codes? Which would render all competition and rivalry completely and utterly irrelevant, by the way!
That is what *real* womb work is actually about.
Birthing that which has never been seen or heard of before.
Serving something much much greater than the demanding frail insecure princess self?
The practices and published information provided in Womb Wisdom and therefore also by association the Womb Awakening / Fountain Of Life Communities/Cults are all legitimately useful and helpful. All valid and inspiring.
The issue that begs to be inquired into more deeply however, concerns the *truthful* nature of the forces that appear to have co-opted both the highly acclaimed published works and the practices. The forces that operate through these part-public, part-cultish offerings from invisible realms, can only deceive us through our wounding and unmet needs. These forces can only find agency through that which remains unseen to us; that to which we are still unconscious; our shadow.
The Womb in women and the Dan Tian or Hara in men, is a prime target for this sort of deception because these in-body energy centres connect us *directly* to our own sub-conscious, and also into the collective unconscious.
- “This [Womb] space is like a shining light which lower astral beings can perceive and regularly try to invade. If the woman does not go through a conscious rebirth of clearing the womb, exploring shadows, healing her inner child etc this space can become easily taken over by other forces. The connection is no longer real, it is a fake ‘kundalini’ experience vs a true activation.”
- Sharon Bolt, Aug 2018 (The Empress and the Dragon Obsidian Yoni Egg work)
Does the sinister possibility exist that many women’s wombs are being primed to become portals for un-souled biological engineering projects?
. . . even more than they may already have been?
. . . under the pretentious guise of “wisdom” or “awakening”?
The predator deliberately targets the global spiritual movements.
“The flavour of the New Predator is to invade the spiritual movement and those that are truly beginning to arouse not only their memory but their true Original unlimited abilities.”
- Lauda Leon, The New Predator
It’s natural, slow and self-regulated. Sovereign, as it relies on no external input at all.
It’s tailor-made for every woman’s unique embodiment and Soul journey. The cycle expresses perfect, accurate Holy Intelligence in its every phase. It’s utterly brilliant and totally genius.
It forms the foundation of Womens’ Original Spirituality, as it offers a gradual, profound, safe descent into the exceptionally Creative gorgeous subconscious shadows every-single-month.
Once a clear strong relationship to the cyclic Womb has been established and nurtured, then she naturally navigates to and attracts the perfect lover for growing her joy and for the Creative journey.
This has become the primary form of womb work, I’ve devoted myself to serving, now.
Turns out that my 77 night quest, that I mentioned in the previous chapter, also provided a deep initiation and understanding into the powerful sub-modality of Shadow Chaser remedies within the Liquid Crystals modality. I’ve been working with the remedies myself and now for my clients as well, to rather profound beneficial effect.
- Padma attests that he has changed since these events that I and many others have publicly detailed from 7 years ago.
The experiences of his more recent lovers reveal that what goes on behind closed doors, only appears to be getting worse.
By many accounts, it sounds like the only thing that may have improved is his ability to mask the continuing abuses more effectively and then to deflect any accusations even more narcissistically than ever before.
He has been given so many extraordinary opportunities to get real and accept assistance from mystical global luminaries such as Carolyn Myss and Andrew Harvey. Perhaps he continues to receive too many magical charismatic powers, in exchange for hosting evil unsavoury personalities? Perhaps he is unwilling to release the fake magnanimous identity they afford him? . . . to secure publishing contracts with? . . . to generate legions of admirers with?
- Azra & Seren Bertrand have NOT been transparent regarding both their individual and shared pasts. In light of the aspect of their shared past which I have detailed here and in light of the invisible forces at play, it is reasonable to conclude that the nature of work they are offering is irresponsible and negligent. On account of traumatic experiences and the expressed word of many women, it appears that great harm is being done.
“It's easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.”
- Mark Twain
It is by the extraordinary Grace of Benevolent forces that we all eventually wake up - if even over many lifetimes.
Thank you, Beloved Benevolent Ones for all your kind support.
Kindness is what saves & changes lives.
Kindness is what has saved and changed my life.
Thank-you to all who were and still are there for me; who believe in me and have my back.
You know who you are! Bless You! We’re never supposed to do any of this alone.
My Love and Gratitude are vast.
I stand face-to-face with my God (The Real One), Sovereign and Free, to declare that All I have shared is True and Integral, to the best of my knowledge at this honourable moment, on October 8th, 2018.
Sincerely, Barbara Ma-El
EPILOGUE: I chose to remain in Australia, where I now Live and Love with my cherished Beloved and his two beautiful children. I'm happy to report that I'm happier than ever and that after much profound inner work, nefarious forces are no longer able to harm nor hold sway over me.